I stayed up late last night to watch Project Runway with The Husband so when I woke up 5 minutes before the alarm this morning, I considered just calling it a Thursday and not trying to fit in Mysore. I had told myself today was going to be the first official day of trying to go into the office at 6am, leaving at 8:40, practicing until 10:30 and then coming back to the office (yes, dear practitioners of yoga, if you do the math, this means I have to not waste an ounce of time during practice but I'm getting quite skilled at that). I put on a bit of makeup so I wouldn't scare anyone in the office who might see me, threw on yoga clothes and go to work really, really early. It felt a little odd to be leaving just as everyone else was arriving and I was nervous I would "get fired" or something but a girl has to do what a girl has to do. I've been so sad and bummed and stressed out and just emotionally a basketcase to be quite frank... I needed to practice. What's more I needed to go into practice with the determination I used to have because I've been feeling totally sorry for myself and like a complete ass.

A 9am practice rocks... it's hot... you're body is open... I miss Tuesday and Thursday practices... I miss that openness that you simply don't have at 6am. I had a wonderful practice today. My body was happy, my muscles were strong, I managed to do jump throughs the entire practice. I was feeling so good I even considered handstands between Navasanas but didn't.... shit I got bound all the way, not just finger to finger, in Supta Kurmasana today... it was the best it has been since July 10 of last year. Everything was just right today... my mental determination was there, concentration, aggression... it all came together in one beautiful burst of prana and I felt awesome. Pasasana today was amazing... I felt twisted and I was lifting through my quads (though I did put something under my heels). I was so open by the time I got to Ustrasana... open and happy and calm and centered... so when I did a Vinyasa, laid on my back and then saw Tim staring at me I got a bit scared. He says "Well..." so I defiantly (for some unknown reason to myself) say "Well what?" At which point I was given Laghu Vajrasana with the comment that it was all about legs "the story of my life" and I looked at Tim, rolled my eyes in adamant fear and drew myself to my knees again. Laghu Vajrasana... since everyone heard it, people were looking, what if I couldn't pull it off? What if I flailed? As it turns out, I just didn't care once I got there... I remembered Kiran telling me to look at my nose ring... I forgot for a minute... I remember Neti saying just go down to where you think you can't get back up... I did that... came up... said "I'm supposed to stay down there for 5 breaths, eh?" Response: "AT LEAST!" with a grunt... .so back to my knees, back to my nose ring... head to the ground... and then I cheated a bit... I put my left forearm sorta on my calf and used it a bit to push and then I came up... no drama... I even got a "good" and Kiran looked over and said "That wasn't bad!"

Ah... backbends... what can I say... they felt great today... I did a little bit of rocking today. I could feel a lot more today (probably because my quads were burning for Laghu Vajrasana). I got up on my heels and I felt like "Okay if I just pushed a LITTLE further I'd come up" but then Tim came and he was pushing my legs an entirely different directoin so I felt like I must have been doing it wrong...and when he tried to help me up... I lost it... I said "Oh shit" and landed on my back. He tried to catch me but couldn't. We tried it again... this time with more success.. but I feel no closer to the mojo, you know. I watched the girl across from me stand up today...she rocked a bunch of times and then turned her feet way out to come up... I wonder if I should try that instead of trying to keep form so much just to feel it.

I cried in savasana today... actually I started crying in Padmasana and then just let it go in savasana... I needed to cry. I left practice just high... I so needed to have a good and regular practice without feeling like I was recovering... then I realized I forgot shoes... I only had flip flops so I bought this cheap and ugly skirt at Tillys to wear to work...

Keeping the practice high today....

P.S. how bad can practice be when you get to practice next to this energy -- Mommy/Baby Kurmasana (D, my man, don't forget to show your wife....)