Idyllwild was simply lovely... the only thing necessary to leave behind in the memory sweeper is the food. Idyllwild is certainly not a town with the stomach at heart but, otherwise, we had a wonderfully relaxing, spiritual, restful, married, mind blowing weekend. The Husband gave me a Ganesh for our anniversary. I asked him if he found it odd at all that our kids are growing up around this yoga thing... He told me that he didn't want to marry someone who was stagnant in their person and he didn't. We talked a lot about the psychology of our parenting right now and our children's variety of current growing pains. We even went to the Theory store on the way home :)

Tonight I went to the new Sunday Intro to Second class. I did throw out the mat yesterday at 6:45am, living room of the bed & breakfast we were staying in since there wasn't room in the room... it was cold... like 25.... so cold... in fact, after standing, a couple seated positions, I realized my toes were literally numb and I gave up. We didn't, of course, get home in time for regular Sunday practice and I hadn't eaten all day, I ate some HORRIBLE organic chicken nuggets that I got for The Kids and they didn't want... and a couple hours later I went to practice... maybe not the smartest move I've made in awhile. It was really interesting to take this class since A was the teacher. I don't think I've ever actually taken a class from A before or maybe just once... the focus is much different and more on the back and opening the front... all of those things which are incredibly difficult for me and push my edge. I was pretty surprised tonight when I got up from Kapotasana (only to my toes, not heels.. one day it will be interesting to be adjusted in that pose). I've never successfully gotten up from Kapotasana and I was genuinely surprised.. I even felt it, the movement of coming up with my hips and thighs. Fascinating.. you'd think no one ever told me to focus there before ;-)

After that I felt like I was going to puke... literally. I was a bit nauseous for the rest of practice including through backbends. We practicing some drop backs that I barely attempted first because my edge is so totally throttled and second because my stomach was doing tumbles. After class I ran into my midwife. I haven't seen her in a long time and I got to relay the story about the birth the other night.

Later, when reflecting on my day and practice I realized that that feeling, the one where I felt like I was missing something throughout the practice the other day... I still feel like that only the feeling is more than there is this energy, this thought, this idea, this acceptance right in front of me that I haven't seen yet, it's right there and I can taste it but I haven't felt it.... One of the things we've talked about at teacher training in Tulum is the idea of picking a diety... that thought never resonated with me as something important for me to do... or something that was a passage on my path... but suddenly I've had this deep seated gnawing that this is something I'm supposed to pay attention to. I can't say that I feel the need to pick one but there is something surrounding this idea that is bugging me.. I just can't put my finger on it. It's funny though... because if you had asked me "Okay just tell me your current favorite?" I'd say Ganesh. I've felt that way since the day in the hospital when Lucia gave me the Ganesh I had been praying for. I think I mentioned that I had the idea to get new ink in some sort of Ganesh theme... ever since I emailed my tattoo artist I've been seeing Hanuman everywhere. Dreams, cards, books, The Daughter is suddenly talking about Hanuman (thanks to Curious George)... I get no tangible energy from what this means... but it's making me stop to think.

Practice this week is going to be next to non-existent. Tomorrow L.A., Tuesday I have kid duty but maybe a self-practice during lunch. W/TH are likelies and Friday I'm up in L.A. again. I tried reviewing the schedule for Metrolink to see if I could practice up at Diane's place and then catch the train from Laguna Nigel but the times are all odd. Here it comes.. the inching away of my practice... the give and take... the part I'm just not sure I'm ready for.