If you're looking to alleviate your boredom or live vicariously through the blogging of others, I give you fair warning that you might want to just skip this blog post. I've been thinking through my mind of just not blogging... all day. I mean why write about the fucking crappy shit but, in the end, this is a discpline and a practice and so I'm going to write stream of thought through all the crap....

Last night I went to a benefit dinner with the keynote by the scientist who found the BRCA genes. I don't want to get into the nitty gritty but it was a horrendous evening for me in many ways. First one of my genetic doctors was at the table... he could barely remember anything about me except that he was sure I had made a mistake in having surgery. It was only after reiterating my entire history to him (again) that he said that it is true that even if my mother were to test positive and I negative, given my paternal history, he could still not tell me I had the average risk rate of an American woman. I've been through this and through this. I've talked to so many doctors, I've second guessed myself and eventually I just put my trust in the 3 doctors that I felt the most comfortable with and who all agreed that this procedure wasn't something I was doing out of fear and misinformation. It sucks to sit in a room of people and feel that they would all judge you for this choice you've made. You can't argue with my family history -- hell, when I can get an insurance company to pay for this procedure based on family history, you know it has to be pretty significant. They don't want to pay for anything.

In addition to the whole issue of whether to have surgery or not there as a lot of resistance, shit, I'll just say it, judgment about nipple sparing procedures. In fact, the scientist of note actually said that anyone who sees a doctor who would recommend nipple sparing should talk to someone else. I interrupted a woman who was about to go off on the procedure (after saying "and now some women are going out and getting nipple sparing..." in a completely derogatory and judgmental tone) and said "Just so you know, before you continue, I had that procedure..." It's true that leaving your nipples in tact increases your risk rate. The general consensus is that it leavs a 5% risk rather than 2% if you remove them. 5% is still less than you or you or you or you. I completely agree that all women facing these choices need to make the right choice for them... let's lose the judgment... I'm happy you took yours off and I'm happy I left mine on.

What this night did remind me of, however, is the importance of doing the testing so I can determine whether I have to have the "other half" done. The thing is, I really don't want to go to the genetic doctor here. I must do it though... I can't let "all" of this go until that's done.

With 3 conference calls and a parent-teacher conference, there was no way for me to practice today. Tomorrow, first practice, new space... and likely myself and Tiff will be the first people to lay out our mats and practice. I'm really excited to be in a permanent place and get used to the feel and vibe and, more importantly, the drive. It is further and I need to work out an appropriate schedule. The new website and schedule are up. Whoohooo!

Guruji's tour is coming up fast... I'm still pondering whether I can get through a led class without telling a teacher that I'm "recovering" -- if it weren't for Utpluthi I probably could. I'm able to get through the chatarungas now with just a little cheat. I still struggle through headstands but I'm actually able to hold them better now.

Boring, crabby, pissed off post but that's okay...everyone's deserving of one of those every now and again.

KJS -- like Neti, say it ain't so... I was sorta hoping it was just related to the Scooter Diaries since that was your category! If it is so... I will miss you... please keep in touch. You rock and you better keep up with the cartoons :)