Ever since I've re-entered the real world I have this overwhelming sense of imminent defeat. It's like I didn't have to use my brain so long or prove anything that I'm really quite convinced I've lost at least half of my brain cells and someday, really soon, someone's gonna figure out I don't know shit. It's funny though because I often get told how smart I am and I stand there thinking "right, if you only knew I'm just pulling all this out of my ass." Today I got in this conversation with one of the attorneys at the office. We started off talking about positive discipine with kids (which is cool in its own right) and then about the differences between the male and female brain. At some point I realized that he was essentially comparing my intelligence to his level of intelligence (and we all know lawyers have pretty big opinions of their intelligence level). Someday, it's all gonna come to a head ;)

I didn't practice today. I realized if I did, I wasn't gonna see my kids for 48 hours and I thought that was a horrible thing as a parent to do so I didn't. I spent a good portion of the day beating myself up for not finding two hours somewhere to practice... maybe even an hour... but I didn't and I don't know when I could find it so why beat myself up about it.

I had to help The Son find a current event for school tonight... who the hell knew that finding a current event suitable for an 8 year old child could be so hard. The news is scary... I couldn't find anything other than Japan launching satellites and even then it gets into the fact that they need to "spy on neighbor countries" and whatnot... Parenting is only gonna get harder.

I'm now officially obsessed by shoes. If I open up the world to having shoes with heels on them, there are some really freaking cute shoes out there. If only I didn't have these breasts to pay off. Who knew I'd start to feel more femininity post mastectomy.... the lessons can be found even in the most horribly wrapped packages.

Speaking of which, there is a large cancer event here in town on Monday. The "finder" of the BRCA1/2 genes, essentially, is giving a keynote and will be doing a benefit dinner. I should go... I'm afraid to go. I wonder if every day that I look in the mirror I'll make mental note that my breasts are not my own? Or, instead, will those thoughts dissipate like the other myriad of things I've had to get past?

The Husband and I are going to have date night this weekend. It won't be a long one since we're leaving the kids with my niece but it will be nice to go out and get a drink and get a groove on. We're gonna go to the new wine bar in Encinitas and have a casual dinner somewhere. I think I should wear the stilletos... just for fun.