I grew up as a child really, really, really, really wanting to be Christian. My parents weren't "anything" and so we didn't go to church and whatnot. I remember that all of my friends used to go to church and it seemed like this total "club" type of thing... all the things they did at "Christian Summer Camp" and the weekly nightly meetings and stuff. I really wanted to be Christian and participate (remember I grew up in a very, very small town... we literally had one streetlight and two stop signs to cross the town) in those meetings. I started going to church with the neighbors. My parents didn't go, I would just with them in the mornings on Sunday. I did Sunday School. I did the whole gig where you have to recite the names of the Bible as the little song and if you could do it, you'd get your very own big Gold Bible. Matthew, Mark, Luke & John, Acts, Romans, Two Chorinthians, Galations, Ephesions, Filimpoinos or something of the sort, Titus, Pheliman and Hebrew, James, First Peter, Second Peter, Three John Jude and Revelations. Yea, I realize I was off on a few but that's pretty impressive given that I haven't felt any affinity towards Christianity in an eon.

So tonight we put the iPod on Random for our evening downstairs as a family. We've never used the random setting before even though my dear friend Barton (whom I realize I haven't seen in months and months even though we keep promising we'll do it.. there's your shout out B) has repeatedly told me he enjoys what it brings up. It was pretty cool, we got a good mix of rock 'n roll, some r&b stuff, some kid stuff... when Krishna Das came on with "God Is Real." This prompted a really interesting discussion for The Husband and I. We talked a lot about our paths to spirituality and I explained how that song really emotes what I feel about God these days. I've done a lot of "fighting" over the years to find peace with God. My blind line in the sand that I was not Christian and therefore going to dismniss the entire institution. I dabbled in Wicca but always felt a little wierd about it. I dabbled in Paganism (yes they are two different things) and really felt naturea and the lure of the meditations that lie within. I found Buddhism and felt like I found a home in my mind and soul... Then I found yoga and suddenly I had the body connection and just as suddenly God found a way to dwell within everyday. It's just all God and it's amazing. It's not so different from what I strived to believe in as a child hitching rides to church with the neighbors, it's just a different way of getting there I suppose.

So The Husband and I sat chatting about this for awhile when The Daughter came up and indicated she'd like to be part of the conversation. I always try to remember during these times that even though it seems young, at five, she's got more spiritual wisdom and heart insight than I may ever regain in this lifetime. So we asked her how she felt about God. She told us that God makes babies... and she named a few people, us included, that God made. It was interesting her list of people but really told us what her mind as processing. She then told us that if you are in trouble you can think of Ganesha and Ganesh will come and help you. This really made me take pause because I don't know that I've ever worded that to her that way but what I realized is she has this belief system that came from me. I mean, if I had sat and told her all about Jesus Christ, it could just as easily become him. This reinforced my feelings that all paths lead to God as I know it/him. It also made me realize that I think, as a child, I would have liked to have that solidified belief. I would have liked to have something to stand on and spring forth with. I may have still ended up right here... in fact, I believe I would. As the saying goes, you are drawn to yoga in this lifetime because you've been a yogi before. It just would have been wonderous to have a starting ground if that makes sense. I sometimes worry myself to death, want my kids to have such a clean slate to start from, not my own beliefs that I forgot this is really inavoidable... even the most left-wing or right-wing of beliefs is ingrained from such a young age.

It is this same revelation that I had recently when I was standing with someone whom I would consider a real life true yogi. Not that enlightenment has set in and they live in a cave but someone that I feel really embodies the "energy" of a yogi (and there are no words for that energy, it's a deep sense of soul peace that comes through)... and that person told me that they were gonna eat candy.... like real live, horrible, would snub my nose up at it, sugar filled, corn syrup and red and blue dyes (and that was probably just the ones I can spell) and I realized that we don't live in a cave...... which is why today I let my child get reall live, horrendously long list of horrid ingredients, sugar filled bought from the real life "supermarket" Nintendo Gummi Bears (as opposed to the all natural, not so sweet variety at the HFS) and actually eat one tonight. But more to the point, why I'm gonna go eat the Charleston Chew I bought with him in an effort to remember that moderation can and maybe should mean every great now and again.... as my son put it when we got homne "Mom, could we do this once a year where we get these?" It was then when I realized perhaps I've been too rigid.. once a year never hurt anyone.