Shit. My brain is all wrapped up in chaos. I had (and am currently sitting on, likely with CIODude somewhere on the mass of attendees even..or maybe he delegates that to his employees which is more likely) a conference call for an appliance we are thinking of purchasing at 9am. This meant that I had to be here before 9 which is usually when I walking through the door after an early morning practice. So I was sorta glad to see the door to the secondary room closed this morning and OKRGR's car outside the studio this morning. I knew this meant the room would at least be slightly warmer. I was so very happy when I saw that he had stolen one of the heaters out of the main room and the room was nicely warm.... so warm that I didn't even have to warm up my hamstrings and practice felt lovely... absolutely lovely. I was hoping to get to seated poses before pranayama was done. I nearly made it but I had the pleasure of helping OKRGR into Dwi Pada (even though really he did it all himself) and then helping him pull off Karandavasana. Kiran came and stole the heater back so I made sure that I got a spot right next to her in the studio and therefore keep my heat going and my plan worked really well. I actually had a really really nice practice.... I am really really loving being helped into Dwi Pada before Supta Kurmasana. I've been making sure, however, since I've been able to get my fingers lately on my own that I can, in fact, get my fingers, then I pull up and let Rich help me into Dwi Pada. Dwi Pada was interesting for me today because I actually felt like I had both of my shoulders further under than usual. I fall forward and can't sit up yet but I can keep my legs crossed. My problem seems to be that they come up over my head when I engage my quads in order to keep the ankles crossed. Anyway, I came up by uncrossing my feet and got into Tithibasana with my calves over my shoulders but I couldn't pull off the transition back as this is still too much pull.

Tim helped me out in Pasasana again today.... getting my heels down and helping me with the bind to my wrist instead of just hands. On the first side today, I didn't get my implant out of the way and so when he bound me to my wrist it was that scary sensation of "Geez, can the implants withstand that much pressure?" So as I was twisting I tried to smile (he always tells me "Hint of a smile") and he laughs and says "I didn't know it was possible for someone to grimace and smile at the same time." I made sure on the second side to get the implant out of the way before the bind. It's sorta a wierd thing because I don't want to break out of the pose and say "You know I have to move by implant/breast/boob out of the way." It's just something that I have to deal with. I was really digging the rest of second series today.

... and then came backbends. You know I wish I just didn't have to do backbends for awhile. I'm sick of backbends. I'm sick of how mental my backbends have become. I'm sick of the edge. I'm sick of trying to stand up. I'm sick of thinking I'm close to standing up. I'm sick of wanting to stand up. That's real yogic, isn't it? It's not really that I feel that way it's just that I haven't found a way to release and let it go. This is likely because I know that I'm gonna get the magic hand adjustment and this essentially means I have to pull it off. I didn't pull it off today. In fact, Tim had to save me and I ended up with one of his hands reaching under the stop my fall and then pushing with such momentum that I flew foward and ended up giving him what amounted to a hug to stop myself. I'm sick of backbends. I think this weekend, if I could find some time, I'd like to take the cheese wedge and just do a bazillion backbends until I can stand up. I mean it really must just be practice or just a clicking in my brain... but if I could just get past this then I could just get over it. I know this isn't the answer and I know I'm becoming way too involved in it physically but, just for today, I hate backbends.