This morning I started practice at around 6:30 with Tiff. It was my first cold practice since before Tulum. I still had some of the yoga high from yesterday, a lot more inspiration for my practice but the cold did definitely had an impact on my hamstrings. When you are practicing in the freezing cold, you spend a lot more time just getting warmed up. I was on Prasaritas by the time practice started in the studio and the room got warmer. My physical practice today was good... I got to my hands in Supta K again but then had Rich put me into Dwi Pada... ah... such a great feeling in the hips... I don't really remember a lot of my practice actually... I tend to feel that way about the physical aspect of it when I have really good practices... I'm so outside of the physical that it makes very little imprint on my consciousness. I do, of course, remember backbends because Tiffany was telling me to straighten my legs but I have no idea how to put the pieces all together. Tim was busy today so we didn't do our usual stand up routine and instead I just did dropbacks with him. The one handed adjustment didn't go so well.... I nearly fell... I felt him reach under me to catch the fall but I pulled it off yet again. When I got up I said "What happened?" He said "Yes you've regressed." Nice.

I took a shower at practice today. No hot water... not even a drop. What a way to wake up!!!! I also forgot shampoo but, heck, at least I had the important things like a hairbrush and deoderant. I spent the rest of the day up in Orange County dealing with all kinds of political B.S. at work. Did I sign up for this? Lots of meetings... and then I had sushi with someone I know from Microsoft circles.... I finally found my way home at 8pm... that makes for a long day. I really have to start producing something at work.... I can't stand all this talk and not doing... less talking, more doing.

I've been thinking a lot lately about those things that we hold within our hearts and we don't let anyone know about. There's this song by *groan* Maroon 5 called Secret and it says something like "Everyone has a secret oh can they keep it oh no they can't." But really, we all have secrets and there are those closets of stuff within our hearts that we don't let out ever to anyone. In even the closest marriage, are there secrets? Secrets aren't bad. Secrets are just parts of us we hold too precious or have too much fear to face yet. At least, that's what I tell myself. I mentioned before that I don't have regret... I have lots of things I've done in my life that I hold a certain degree of shame over but I don't regret them because, for whatever reason, my experiences are those that I need in order to be who I am. I deal with this one issue every now and again. I'm very aware of it but I haven't figured out what it is that happens to me in the moment when I come face to face with it. I almost, not always, but almost always make the choice I feel is the "bad" one, the one with all the shame and wrongness associated with it... but, yet, I always find myself making it anyway. I know there is something there, some deep seated need I'm trying to meet or fear I'm not yet willing to face but it's one of those things (habit is too "often" of a word) that I notice and am mindful of but really have absolutely no idea and very little control over. Neti's blog has a comment regarding using yoga to cover up that which we don't want to face. Like Neti, I can't imagine this. Yoga seems to break me open and really put front and center all that which I might not want to face. At least... that's what I tell myself.