This whole work thing is messing with my spirit. I can no longer practice at the studio on T/TH and I haven't yet gotten to a point of feeling comfortable going to The Other Studio. First, Tim is my teacher. Second, I'd wind up basically having to pay monthly at both studios which would be way too expensive to justify. I've tried the home thing twice now and both times flailed around awhile and didn't do a practice. Even the local club which has Mysore at 5:45 on Wednesdays and a regular led class on M/F at 5:45 doesn't have Ashtanga on T/TH. It seems like T/TH is the "off day" for Ashtanga here in San Diego County. This going home and not having work at home is also wierd. I almost feel like I don't know what to do with myself and, quite honestly, the largest part of me just wants to go to bed. Sad but true. I have no drive to really do anything. Perhaps it will come with time but I'm so tired by the time I get home....

I was debating yesterday whether I should do a regular practice this morning or hit the Intro To Second Series class tonight. The problem with that class is that it is from 5:30 to 7 something and that means I wouldn't be able to go home to see the kids before and they would be in bed by the time I got home... hard to justify that given that I'm not home all day now. Since I went out with The Best Friend (waves hello) on Wednesday, I decided that I couldn't justify not seeing the kids on Friday night too so I plugged myself in for Mysore this morning. The Husband had to get up at the same time for an early morning meeting which meant I had to pay The Nanny to come and do the morning routine with the kids. The Husband wasn't sure he liked that idea but, as it is, I can only do Mysore M/W/F now and I'm just not willing to give it up. I got up, packed up my stuff (it's a huge load to pack up now before practice --- I've got the briefcase with the laptop and whatnot, the gym bag with my stuff for showering after, my clothes on a hanger and because today is Friday and the first day of Yoga for Kids I also had 15 kid yoga mats, 20 copies of My Daddy Is A Pretzel and a bag with clothes to change into for teaching).... as I was leaving The Husband says "I don't know how you do this every morning." He was referring to getting up early and getting out of the house for yoga. It was interesting that he said this because I am simply not a morning person. The Best Friend referenced this the other day during our conversations... I hate mornings. It used to be that getting up before 7 was an absolute unheard of idea... now sleeping til 7 is like sleeping in. So it was interesting that The Husband would notice or comment on the fact that my discipline to practice has evolved to the point that it is no longer a question of whether I will get up and more a question of whether there is somewhere for me to go to when I get up.

I got to practice at about 20 to 7. Tiffany was already there and she and I started in the little room about quarter til getting in all of Sun Salutations and up to Prasaritas before the doors opened for practice. It's interesting being at a completely different point in the practice than everyone else in the room because I notice that I tend to get adjustments that I've never had before. This seems to be a reflection of the fact that everyone else is doing Sun Salutations and I'm already into standing poses. Practice today was just okay. I knew I wasn't feeling 100% from the get go... not rundown or anything, just a bit off. I considered attempting handstands today between Navasana but I knew I couldn't get up without a little air (meaning not starting with hands on the floor) and I didn't think that would fly so I didn't try it. The new temporary space (which I love) has a hardwood floor and man does that sucker hurt on your back in certain poses, most particularly, rolling in Garbha Pindasana and Setu Bandhasana (in fact, I can't really even hold Setu Bandhasana for a full 5 breaths on that floor as it makes my head feel like it is going to explode). Tiffany and I had a great adjustment in Supta Padagusthasana today.... We were basically practicing in synch and Rich came over to adjust one of us whlie we were in B... instead, I held down Tiffany's foot, Rich put his foot into her straight legged hip and then leaned over and put his hands on my hip.... sorta like a modified downward dog between us... he had one leg on the floor but let me tell you, that was some adjustment... we both actually made a verbal exclamation when he got all the way "into" it. On the other side, Tiffany held down my foot and Rich did the same adjustment... for a moment, when we were bearing all his weight, I was convinced my hip would break off :) It was quite a good way to mix things up though.

I attempted do Pasasana today without a mat under my heels. The first side I bound and twisted without problem (this was the side I couldn't bind in Wednesday).... the second side I could only get my fingertips... Tim came to help and I mentioned that I can no longer figure out how to do this pose without the forward thrust of something under the heels... the reason is that the implants don't flatten so when I'm twisted there's the depth of the implant between my knee and how far I can twist... I used to be able to lift and move the breasts over... now they are so stagnant... perhaps with time this will come but it is totally frustrating.

Backbends today sucked. They just didn't feel so good. I watched as Tiffany effortlessly grabbed both heels (which reminded me if Kathy's cartoon :) I hemmed and hawed and ended up doing about 7 backbends... the last one finally feeling somewhat okay. I looked around for Tim but he was busy so I did one more... he finally came over and told me "I had that look" and I said that I was waiting... he said "Well you could have just kept doing them." If he knew how much agony I was in with the 8 I had done he would have realized the look on my face was a tortuous one. So he helped me up, we did dropbacks and then he did the one handed adjustment..... and I got a bit off the floor and almost lost it... it was a moment of pure stagnation... I had to get myself up as he didn't put his hand behind me like he did the last two times he did that adjustment... there was a moment where I was totally not there...where I couldn't feel my body and the force of gravity was non-existent..hung out in limbo an then I thought "SHIT I have to get up or I'm going down!" I let out a loud exhale with sound which OKRGR would have been proud of and managed to get up. I think I didn't rock enough... or else my confidence got way ahead of my physical abilities.

As I was beginning finishing I looked at the clock and couldn't figure out how it was 8:20. I had started early but I must have lagged during the practice and it suddenly hit me that I had a conference call that started at 9am. I jammed through finishing, skipped headstand, took a short savasana and jumped up to get to work. As I drove down the coast highway there was a huge traffic jam..... I knew I was going to be late... but I had just finished practice and my attitude was "Well, what can I do." Yoga is great for making one just not care which is sometimes good and sometimes bad. In the end, I got an email (thank everything under God for Treos) pushing the conference call back to 11am and then a voice mail indicating that The Daughter was freaking out that I hadn't left her yoga mat at home.

Today is the first day of Yoga for Kids at The Daughter's preschool and The Daughter is about to jump through the roof in excitement. We unwrapped all the little kid mats last night, put her mat in one of my old bag holders (do they make kids mat bags?) and she decided she was going to take her own mat to school today. In order to relieve the dire situation, I had to meet The Nanny and The Daughter outside my office with said mat bag before I could shower and get in to the office.... the trials and tribulations of being a mother!

My plan of attack for today is to read My Daddy is A Pretzel, practice Sun Salutations and a few other poses and then talk about how we practice yoga both on the mat and off the mat. Each class I'm going to talk about one aspect of yoga that we can all practice and today I think I'm going to bring up the idea of ahimsa... in 5 year old speak which means talking about how we need to respect and be kind to our friends, on the playground, at home... even when they make us mad. Then I'm going to explain Namaste in 5 year old speak and that should be it. I'm pretty excited actually!

Edited to Add: Hey today appears to be my blog's birthday --- Blogging for FOUR YEARS now... pretty wild.