On Wednesday we drove up to LA to have Thanksgiving with my BIL and SIL. The Husband's entire family (minus the brother that never shows up) was meeting us there and since I knew the kids would be entertained, I found a yoga studio where I could escape for at least a few hours. The studio recommended to me, YogaWorks was within 5 miles and I decided to go. Right before leaving I discovere that all of their led classes were Vinyasa Flow and not Ashtanga but, according to their website, their Mysore classes were for all levels, beginners to advanced and there was no need to know the sequence as it would be given to you if you did not know. This could not be any further from the truth.

I've been practicing Ashtanga for nearly a year now seriously. I know the majority of the first series right up until Navasana and then I get a little confused between Kurmasana and the start of the finishing sequence (backbends). I was very upfront about this upon walking into the studio but sorely surprised that I felt unwelcome and, moreover, completely humiliated. I've never claimed to be a master Yogini. In fact, I'm a newbie. I know next to nothing but I am not a completely ignoramous with regard to the process. A Mysore class, for those of you that don't know, is a class in which you do your own practice, to the rhythm of your own breath, in a room with 20 other people doing their own practice to the rhythm of their own breath. There are multiple instructors to adjust you and help you with your practice but no calling out of postures or counting of breath.

I drove 3.5 hours to get to LA. I dropped my children off in the driveway of BIL's house and left for yoga. I did not feel that I had 3 hours to devote to a first series practice so I held my postures for 5 shorter breaths than long ones and moved through my series. At one point an instructor approached me indicating that the head instructor wanted her to check on me... was I doing the postures correctly. Would I show them to her... OK. But wait, why am I going so fast? Oh, I can answer that question...blah blah blah. Ok, well, then I believe you know the postures, go ahead. Yet, when I go the part that I had indicated I didn't know, no one would help me and beyond that the "head instructor" never came near me ... instead she gave me sneers and jeers and sent her junior instructors to come interrogate me.

So, yes, I'm a bit defensive about the situation. Maybe a Mysore class was a bit to chew off but I certainly don't consider myself a complete beginner and I do know the majority fo the series so perhaps a change to the language on the class description would be appropriate.

I also noticed that I could not hear anyone's breath. Ujayi breathing didn't seem to be important. People left class and came back... people talked, people laughed... and at the same time people were hardcore into their practices. These people KNEW ashtanga and it was BEAUTIFUL. I aspire to be where they are. I aspire to know ashtanga at the core level like that. The head teacher, she cracked her whip... she was unapologetic and completely demonizing to some students. I can relate to that...that's the kind of teaching I would need.

I've been up for the last two nights pondering where I am on my yogic path. I am certainly not doing traditional Ashtanga in my gym setting with my instructor who continually interrupts first series to introduce absolute novices to Hamanasana (splits). The series is interrupted, the flow is interrupted and, more than that, my body doesn't feel the same after a practice where I'm interrupted in the series. Ashtanga speaks to my body and my soul and that is what I want to practice. There are so many obstacles -- money and time are the main ones. I have two small children, one nursing and a part time job... it is easy to get out for 1.5 hours 5 times a week when I only have 1/2 a mile to drive... but to get out for 3 hours even a few times a week when I have a few miles to drive in rush hour traffic - - well that's another ball game. Financially, I can't justify it either. So where does one go?

What I do know is my experience at YogaWorks was DEEPLY humbling, DEEPLY thought provoking and DEEPLY inspirational... I'm not sure what to do with it. I'm not sure where to go but I do know one thing... I'm not looking forward to my interrupted practice tomorrow to attempt a 2nd series posture when I can't even finish 1st series yet....