Or, in this case, clearly she wasn't. I got a call from that friend I've talked about in my blog before. The one whom we nearly sold our house to move next to that I haven't seen nor talked to in months. She calls to tell me about that woman's group dinner that I mentioned... it's on Monday. I tell her I'm unable to go ... I give no explanation. She mentions the following month's group, if they have one, and I decide, in my usual clean as a plate manner, to just be honest. I say that I'm unsure if I'm going to continue with the group because I feel disconnected and I don't feel like I can share myself which is what the group is meant to be for. I mean, frankly, I don't want to share my inner most thoughts with people I'm not going to see or talk to for months on end especially when it appears said people have a gossip tree outside of the group.

So my friend A comes over for Samhain and tells me this story. I find it truly unbelievable. Said person also called her to tell her about the dinner. A also said that she was unable to go and would most likely not be a part of the group anymore for, basically the same reasons. I can't even *believe* what the response was. This woman actually said "Well, perhaps we can talk even if it's by phone. Maybe we can call each other every 3 months." Said in all seriousness. Was there a thought in this woman's brain about what this would come off sounding like. Ah, yes, I'd like to share my childhood abuses, my innermost thoughts, my raw feelings... and give me a call in 3 months.

One of the things I have figured out lately is that I'm feeling more comfortable outside of this group of women. I tried so hard to create community life that I didn't remember how well I do not do in group dynamics. I don't deal well with the gossip. I don't deal well with the flakiness. I don't deal well with the cliquishness. I like being able to say "Hey, you know this hurt my feelings..." and not have it turn into the latest stage drama on the gossip stage. That last year has been such a learning opportunity for me. A blessing as difficult as it has been.