Bad, Bad Moods
I'm in a foul mood today. 80% of it is likely the result of a psychotic stage of sleep deprivation. Can we say right back where we started? I'm finding myself filled with more and more resentment and anger over the habit of night waking. Last night I even tried Valerian and it did nothing. In fact, last night was one of the worst nights in months.
The other 20% of my foul mood, however, is disappointment. I'm so extremely disappointed in myself. Various things contribute to my disappointment from my spheres of my life -- parenting, marriage, friendship. I'm wondering if it is cyclic and based on the cycles of my sleep deprivation stage. I'm also disappointed in people around me. Lack of emotional support, lack of backbone, lack of respect, lack of communication, lack of willpower, lack of truth. It all seems like one enormous mountain and I've just tumbled down to the valley below.
For the first time I skipped yoga last night for purely mental reasons -- I still burned myself in the end and should have gone but, more than the outcome, the choice of not going to yoga was a big indicator to me that I am mentally fried.
Comments
how can I help?
Posted by: imp | October 29, 2002 2:58 PM
wanna do a date this week? Friday works or Sunday... I know you'd do anything, love..it's all internal -- well most of it..some is people in my life failing my expectations.
Posted by: Julie | October 29, 2002 3:24 PM
((((Julie))), love, I think you know that I understand. Let's make a phone date to chat soon and commiserate with each other?
Posted by: Lucia | October 29, 2002 5:03 PM
Is there something in the air? I'm feeling the same way. Not to mention the complete lack of a good night's rest in what seems months. Almost hallucinating from fatigue. (((Hugs))) my darling. I promise you I'll get down there at some point, and there will be a purpose to our sleeplessness.
Posted by: Tanya | October 29, 2002 6:48 PM
I think there must be something in the air. I'm better today (Neo slept for a bit longer last night, he's cutting a molar), but the last couple of days have been truly awful. It's compounded by suddenly knowing what I want to do, but having so many obstacles in the way, including a freaked out DH (who is also better today). For me, the bad mood helped me work through what was important and what wasn't, what I needed to do and what I needed to not worry about, and then it made me also feel ok about sleeping in an hour yesterday between 7am and 8am (being woken up maybe 4 times, but I needed that extra hour of broken sleep), but still to not feel guilty because I did something for myself.
I hope it helps you too, Julie.
Posted by: Lucyna | October 29, 2002 8:46 PM
When it rains, huh?
I have to think that things happen for a reason - Seren picked you and there is a learning experience out there for you (but it SUCKS big titties that you have to go through such exhaustion (mental and physcial) to get it).
You will find a way to do what is right - if absolutely nothing else, I know this is true.
Posted by: kathy | October 31, 2002 11:34 AM
oh shit. i'm sorry. this was supposed to be on your otgher post.
i'm just going to stop now before i REALLY confuse you! :)
(((jugs))))
Posted by: kathy | October 31, 2002 11:36 AM