Two Days of Comittment
With two days of that time comittment under our marriage belt, things are actually looking better. I discovered that I was harboring a lot of negativity and wistfulness that I really have/had to let go of. We've been talking a lot about just exactly what it is we respectively want. A friend of mine suggested a book, The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida and, on first read I thought "Wow, this is fairly male stereotypical... but on second read and with an open heart I realized that there is a lot that I haven't mentioned to The Husband that I do need and much of it he'd probably be inable to pick up on. Why? My outer personality is that of a strong, intelligent, very independent woman. So when I read this passage the first time, I thought "Geez, could it get any cheesier?"
One of the deepest feminine desires in intimacy is precisely not to have to always figure it out for her man and guide him. She wants to be able to trust him in his direction. There are some times when she does want to figure it out for you, but far more often she feels your gift [the author uses gift a lot and is somewhat annoying but he really means giving of yourself by it] when you offer her a direction in your intimacy without her having to ask you for it or tell you what she wants.
I want this. I think this is pivotal in improving my marriage because neither The Husband or myself is very experienced sexually... and, while last week I was viewing this as this major hurdle -- how can I learn anything if he isn't there to teach me? -- this week I've realized what a blessing this is because we can do this together, we can experience joys for the first time together. What an amazing opportunity.
I have to also mention that I can take this passage and expand it -- I want The Husband to take some direction in daily life too. If we are going to dinner, dammit, now and again you make the decision instead of being all PC and making sure we've had equal input. I guess, in some way, I want to be the 50s housewife where decisions are made for me... not all the time, mind you, I'm far too opinionated for that but sometimes... sometimes I want to feel like enveloped by my man... just sometimes.
