Amber Calling
My niece is here visiting for a week or two. I love my niece but it is sometimes extremely difficult for me. My sister and I are polar opposites in every which way and her parenting choices are far, far, far different than mine. I often find my niece asking me questions that I just haven't fully considered given my own children's ages. Questions about drugs, sex, etc. She says she cannot speak to her parents and, given what I've heard, I understand that sentiment. It is hard for me though because I don't know what I'm going to tell my own children yet and, while I have some idea, I doubt her mother would be thrilled with my perspective or honesty. Regardless, she's been a wonderful help with the kids so far.
This morning I took her to the manicure store and we got our nails done together. I was sitting talking to the woman who has been doing my nails since I started this "manicure" thing last month about Buddhism. She's Vietnamese and a Buddhist. Anyway, during a lull in the conversation she said to me "I always see this child around you, this young child." She paused, seemed like she was talking around me sorta like "Mhmm..huhuh..." Then said "Did you have a miscarriage.... like 3 years ago?" I felt the wind rush out of my lungs. I told her that, yes, I did have a miscarriage 3 years ago... very close to exactly 3 years ago. She, very matter-of-fact, told me that my child was still close to me, always with me and that she wanted me to acknowledge her. She then told me about a Vietnamese custom of honoring the dead and that I should perform one of these ceremonies for my passed daughter. I was certain that the child that I had carried and lost was a girl... we named her Amber.
Comments
Oh my gosh-(((Julie)))
I imagine that was a comfort, yet at the same time hard to hear.
Kym
Posted by: Kym | August 13, 2002 3:58 PM
Wow. (((Julie))) It's interesting the way the universe works.
Posted by: sarah/unicorn | August 13, 2002 4:13 PM
Oh, (((Julie)))! This makes me cry! I had a miscarriage and grieved terribly. After several weeks I had a dream, but much more vivid than a dream, of a baby girl of about 6 months. I could feel her skin, feel the weight of her in my arms. It was incredibly real. I lifted her onto my chest, and we rolled and rolled on the floor together, giggling joyfully and gazing deeply into each other's eyes. The feeling of bliss and union was indescribable. It went on for about three minutes. The next morning was the first one when I didn't wake up crying, and the horrible heavy grief was lifted from then on. I felt certain I'd "met" my lost little one and that I'd see her again someday. :)
Posted by: diane | August 13, 2002 5:17 PM
I swear Jules, my head must be lodged in the toiler :) No, I didn't read Geek Love :) SORRY! :)
Posted by: felicia | August 13, 2002 6:23 PM
{{{Julie}}}
Posted by: Joanne | August 13, 2002 7:18 PM
{{{{Julie}}}} What a wonderful thing to hear! I'd love to hear more about the ceremony too. We do little things for Pheonix all the time, but have never had a real ceremony other than his birthday and his cremation. Although he does have his special shelf that he sits on and the kids give him gifts and talk to him often (but since was about 20wks when we lost him, his body was quite big and "babyish", so I think easier for the kids to grasp and remember). I'd love another way to honor his place in our family! And more {{{hugs}}} for you and Amber.
Posted by: veg | August 13, 2002 7:52 PM
((((Julie)))) I got chills reading this.....what an amazing experience, it must have been very difficult, but very empowering, to hear.
Posted by: Lucia | August 13, 2002 8:45 PM
(((Julie))) I had chills reading this. It brought tears to my eyes. Interesting how the universe sometimes lets us know what we need to look at next in our lives.
Posted by: 3Queens | August 14, 2002 11:13 AM
{{{Julie...}}}
Posted by: Reese | August 15, 2002 1:44 PM
{{Julie}}
I have chills up and down both my arms and legs. Wow.
Posted by: Carolyn | August 15, 2002 6:10 PM
{{{{{{Julie}}}}}}
Posted by: Debra | August 16, 2002 4:30 PM