I was starting to wonder where you were :)

{{{{{{{Julie}}}}}}} I don't know if you read at YAAPS at all, but I recently started a thread about how frustrated I am with Colin's sleep (or lack thereof). At first I was absolutely convinced this was NOT simply "habit" waking, but after pondering this for days now, I am not so sure. I am feeling very lost, lonely and frustrated with very few people to talk to about this. It seems that ANY parent-led weaning (even night weaning) just is NOT talked about (much). Everything you wrote in your post here I have been feeling. Everything. Do you think maybe I could call you sometime and we could talk about this? Or I could email you my number and you could call me. I am so confused and lost right now. I am feeling like a failure as a mother, and since I am pretty much only a mother right now, my entire self-esteem seems to be wrapped in my kids and these parenting issues.

Sometimes I feel SO resentful and angry. Why do other people's kids sleep at night and NEITHER of mine have? TBH it has played a lot into my decision of whether or not to stop at 2 kids. So far both of them have slept like crap, so I have no reason to believe the next kid would be any different. I simply CANNOT do this again. I am so sad. :-(

If you ever want to talk, I am here.

{{{{Debra and Julie}}}} I totally understand. I do. I have been there. Feel free to email me for commiseration.

I totally understand. I am available to talk about it if you think it might help.

{{Hugs}}

Debra, I feel the same way. I am convinced that Seren's night habits are, just that, habits. I've seen her do much better when she wasn't nursing at night. OF COURSE, we should talk... I can call you..I get free long distance :) Send me your #

some good people to talk to about this - elke (of elkebellas) but I don't know if she's online anymore - and robin (jump4joy). robin and i both nightweaned our boys (pike and mac) at about the same time.

pike was up every 20min on a bad night and every 2 hours on a good night. i nightweaned him at 2y3-4m and at 6, he continues to nurse sporadically.

it is a decision you frally have to feel out and then try it out - if you're at all ambivalent. i think it is harder than making a solid dercision, but it can be done.

i know you'll make the perfect choice - because you are your family's expert.

when i night weaned pike, i had no expecysttions - i brought the rocking chair into the bedroom and held him while he cried. i don't remember that heever got hysterical (or near to) - he wimply was upset and i talked to him and held him and ocked him.

Julie- I have recently intro'd at Motherspirit and have been enjoying reading the wonderfully articulate and insightful blogs of the women there. So that is how this "stranger" has popped up on your blog. I am moved to write because I nightweaned my oldest daughter and wanted to share my experience with you. I hope it is helpful.

Background- I have two daughters, 9 and 5. My oldest weaned at 5, my youngest still nurses occasionally but the milk is gone. My youngest was a "good sleeper" early on and night weaning was never an issue. My oldest however woke frequently. Both were nursed on demand, both were family bedded. So I believe it was just something innate in each of them. I don't think we create this by responding to our children; it is something there within them that wants this response.

Anyway, at a certain point, and my memory is fuzzy because it was a long time ago now and I was sleep deprived, I realized I couldn't keep going with the frequent night-waking. I decided that I wanted to get at least a few hours straight sleep and eliminate the middle of the night waking. Early morning would be OK. I think she was over 2 because I remember feeling confident that she was old enough and didn't need the milk nutritionally. Because I was just trying to eliminate the middle of the night waking, my husband and I agreed that if she awoke between certain hours (12 and 6?)he would respond to her and hold her and comfort her until she fell back asleep. Now, it was not easy, for those of us who have raised our children compassionately and responsively it is torture to listen to them call for us and not respond. And our little ones are old enough to call "Mama, mama". It was hard. I remember lying there and thinking I couldn't do it but not wanting to turn back either. And of course if it had continued night after night or hour after hour I would have bagged it. But I found that the transition was very quick, just a couple nights and she no longer awoke during those hours. This may reassure your husband as well, he will be sleep deprived just a few days. I also told myself and believed that she was safe and loved and cared for in my husbands arms; she wasn't abandoned. That is really important.

I knew/know my choice wasn't totally embraced by AP but on the other hand I knew my daughter and was sensitive to her needs and any emotional changes. I knew, as you do, that it wouldn't benefit either of us to have a mother on the edge of depression or rage. There's a reason sleep deprivation is used for torture! And I knew that her father loved her as much as I did and wanted to nurture her too.

Anyway, I hope this helps some. {{{Julie and Seren}}}.

Sarah