I want to get off. The Husband & I went for a nice walk on the beach this evening...just the two of us, hand in hand. It was nice. In our conversations I came up with the fact that my discontent often comes from my analysis of situations. My over-analysis. I am constantly analyzing and re-analyzing whatever happens in my life: did I say the right thing, do the right thing, hear the right thing, what did this mean, that mean, what did this do or that do... I am in a constant state of trying to figure it all out instead of riding with the tide and feeling the ocean. I don't remember that I've always done this so I wonder if, in part, this is my nature exacerbated and on display in a way never before since I always had my work within which to analyze and over-analyze. As a programmer, especially when I was in the midst of school designing compilers and what-not, I had the outlet, I had to be overly analytical and, to some extent, I was trained to be. Working for law firms, I've had to step up to the plate time and again and fill in where there was no analysis and make it up at times. I'm so stagnate in my "career" - by choice... a choice I made when I decided to stay home with my children. What I'm doing, I'm doing because I can do it with my eyes closed, with precision and ease and make damned good money (big wave and thanks to you Kyle) doing it from the vicinity of my bedroom ... but while on occasion I have to come up with something unique (Kyle, I really am working on the conversion to tables from text), for the most part, it's all old shoes just refurbished. I wonder if part of my extreme-ness in over analyzing my life would be eliminated if I went back to school and did something with passion or if I just found something with passion that I could devote my nature to.

I was just telling a friend that I always get what I want... and I tend to. Sometimes I'm not quite certain what it is that I want but I often end up with the perfect thing anyway. Somehow I feel that just by putting this out there, something will come of it... and it will be what I want.