I've been trying to decide what to blog about all day today so I'm just going to let it flow at the moment.

One of the things I miss most about being a mother of two children is my mind. Before having The Son, I was quite sharp. My memory was picture perfect. I read and retained faster than anyone I know. In college I nearly never studied for tests (or showed up for class) and I still graduated summa cum laude. I never understood my best friend when he'd spend hours studying and studying. It would be a lie to say my head wasn't the slightest bit puffed up at my mental abilities. Karma runs it course, doesn't it? Since The Daughter's birth I'm absolutely mindless. I'm hardly able to form complete sentences that are coherent anymore. I misspeak frequently and often mispronounce words. I certainly retain little of what I read these days (and I think I could go back to college?). It's awfully embarrassing.

Yoga was fantastic, as usual, last night. I feel I have really found an edge to explore and that it is working it's magic on me. I'm even seeing physical improvement - sure Yoga Mudra is easy for me but I can now do 4 of 5 5 Paripurna Navasana and last week I even lifted my Lotus (albeit with the help of a couple of blocks). I'd also be lying if I didn't look to yoga for some muscle development right alongside of my desire to explore myself. Yes, I realize yoga is about the breath.. yada, yada, yada... Personally, I like the burn too.

Last but not least in my thoughts is death. A good friend lost someone close to him this week and this afternoon I got an email about an old neighbor who has been suffering from cancer is about to succumb to it. What is it about death that brings us to our knees even if we don't know the person? Is it our own mortality? Is it our fear? Ya know what I fear most about dying? Leaving my children without a mother who will treat them with respect and love. Okay, well, I'm afraid of pain too but, really, that is secondary to the fear I have for my children. I always want to find the beauty in death... to find something good out of a life that doesn't end within death. I also believe that death only means death in this lifetime, in this place and that we are all destined to cross again either in another lifetime or in the place that exists out there that I don't know what to call.

Namaste and hug your loved ones tonight.