Last night at yoga I had a very wierd experience. I've been hearing the stories at my yoga studio about people feeling belly massages when no one is actually touching their belly. A good friend of mine who came to yoga with me a few times has had paranormal experiences each time and my yoga instructor talks about the energy she feels after people have left. I've never experienced anything of the sort so I was rather surprised last night during shavasana to feel someone pushing down on my legs and then another person sitting next to me, near the top of my head. Surprised because, although I was waiting for the massage to get to me (my yoga instructor and another student come around and massage your feet and head after each practice), I could hear that they were on the other side of the room. Instead of freaking out, I kept my eyes closed and breathed and tried to be conscious of what was happening. It was very strong. Later in the evening I was talking about it and I mentioned to my yoga instructor that she must have been aware of something because when she did start my massage, she tapped me on the shoulder as if to acknowledge it. She said she did no such thing. After yoga last night, we stayed on for dinner - Jyl made a rose chicken based on the recipe from Like Water For Chocolate and it was great... It lived up to the expectation of love ;-) or was it all the wine I drank *chuckle*?

My massage the other night was awesome. It was less awesome simply from a body massage standpoint but incredibly awesome due to the true mindfulness I had to have throughout it. Barton (*waves hi to Barton*), my friend who gave me the massage, did a massage from Esalen which included long body strokes from one end of my body to the other... this meant there was periods of time where half my body (think shoulder to shoulder half here) was exposed. I am quite modest and have many body image issues and so it was a challenge for me to stay grounded and okay during the massage but I think it was time. I was very open to trying to be comfortable and I think I succeeded in conquering some of my fears... really saying "this is just my body" and trusting in someone that holds me no harm. It took effort but it feels so great to have crossed that bridge.

I have seen good looking men before but I never feel any great sexual affinity for men. Nope, Brad Pitt is beautiful but I've never pined over any man in that "Gosh, I'd love to do him" sort of way. I've always wondered why I've never had that emotion. In the past, I've met people who trigger something for me but it isn't necessarily based on a glance or appearance but, rather, something internal that attracts me. Well, today... I was driving down the street, kids in the car, Staind playing in the stereo, windows down and a 19 or 20 year old pulls up in his car next to me and smiles. For the first time in my life, I felt some sexual stir... I could almost smell him.

Which brings me too... The Husband & I were talking tonight and it feels like something monumental is happening and perhaps that is why I've been so out of sorts lately. My last few yoga practices have been very intense emotionally... I've really been "in my head and heart" and, given last night's spirit experience, my experience with Barton and today's "sexual attraction" experience, it seems like some barrier is breaking down. Wouldn't that be nice to peel back the next layer in my onion. I'm actually excited about it.