Tonight is my massage night! My friend Barton from yoga is giving me a massage and if his foot massages at yoga are any indication, it will be a lovely evening. I went to the LLL enrichment meeting this morning, the topic was sleep, and I really enjoyed myself. I got to talk to a lot of moms about sleep deprivation and hear about how I am not alone. Even though some of them didn't agree with my decision to night-wean, there was a woman there who had been through the same thing. She was talking about my symptoms and the fact that she had actually been to a sleep clinic and was tested (long story how she ended up there) and it came back that she had sleep psychosis which, if you remember, is what I came out with on that online test I took. Anyway, she was telling me about how she'd see things - this is totally what was happening to me. I'd be driving down the street and swear I saw a car only there wasn't one. Wierd stuff like that. We were also talking about the lack of dreams. As somone who used to dream every night, having no dreams was very wierd. Anyway, it was an enlightening and moving meeting. I cried when describing that I had night-weaned The Daughter. I haven't cried about it before so I was surprised to feel myself really welling up with tears. This isn't what I wanted or expected - to have my daughter night-weaned and sleeping in another room. It bugs me. I feel horrible about it. At the same time, how could I go on living in that psychotic state?

I also put out the feelers about starting a chapter group of the Nurture By Nature Network and it seems like there is interest. It is a big committment that I've been thinking about for awhile now but I went ahead and submitted the leader application to Rachael this morning. I think now that I'm getting some more sleep, I'll be able to put myself out there again.