Our 4th Of July celebration was great. We started the day by going to a local "home town" small parade. This isn't some huge parade with floats, it's a tiny parade with kids on Razors, bikes, etc. It was really fun and the kids enjoyed having lunch with their friends in the park. After we came home, took a nap and then went to a pool party down the street. I was surprised to find our family hanging out with our neighborhood instead of with my community of friends... I'm finding that there is something going on with me in this regard. I live here in suburbia land and I need to really make the effort to integrate into it. I'm not moving anytime soon and this is my community. The pool party was awesome. The Son was in the water for nearly 4 hours straight. I even dared to put on the bikini in front of everyone and get in the water - no small task since my self-image is fairly tarnished at the moment. I really like my neighborhood. No, most of the parents do not parent like I do but they all parent with love. It might not be my definition and they certainly make choices I would not but not a single one of them is coming at this journey from a place of anger or apathy. They all love their kids so very much and they are all doing what is right for them. How can I argue with that? And, yet, I do. Until yesterday.

Yesterday I went to the bookstore to pick up Crooked Cucumber mentioned on Holly's Blog. I had the book in my hands when I came across Dharma Family Treasures, Sharing Buddhism With Children and I immediately made the switch. Perfect timing for I read this passage yesterday:

The Third Precept of the Order of Interbeing. Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness.

The key in this passage for me is "or even education". So much of the time if I'm spouting AP theory or my personal opinion on parenting or whatnot, I'm doing so under the guise of spreading knowledge. Of educating people on the right path of parenting. This is MY right path but it may not be everyone's. I have always had a problem with this concept of Buddhism... of accepting everyone's choices because what is is what is perfect for them. I always feel that I know the right thing, the right way and I do but it is only what is right for me. What I can be is an example of my own values and my own beliefs by living and staying true to myself even in the face of dissention or differing beliefs by others. What someone may pick up from me by watching me is not my forcibly trying to convince someone to fall in line with my beliefs. This is a hard thing to do no matter if we are talking about parenting or nutrition or personal growth. Yoga is right for me, it is not right for everyone. Buddhism is right for me, it is not right for everyone. I always make the distinction "but we're talking about children, they have no choice," yet they do. I believe they choose their family. I believe we reincarnate within our family circles for a reason. How do I reconcile these beliefs with the belief that no child should be abused - legally or illegally; that every baby deserves to be breastfed; that every child deserves respect both physically and emotionally? I'm still trying to figure that one out. What I do know is I can only work on myself. I can only change myself. I can only improve my family life. I can only change my attitude. I cannot force someone else, no matter how nicely I speak to them, to take on my beliefs.

For the past few days I have refrained from journaling, from talking with people. I'm feeling really introspective. I'm feeling disconnected from nearly everything in my life. I am to the point online that I feel there is less and less I can gain from continuing relationships with people I do not know, will not know. I wonder why I continue trying. I wonder why I like to journal so publically. Truthfully, I like the feedback. The class discussion was great. I really thought over those perspectives for a long time. I don't have that in my real life. I don't have people I can just "shoot the shit" with, so to speak. I guess that is why I reach out. There is a shift coming... I just haven't identified it yet.