Well today's been a shitty day. I'm so tired from being up every hour to half hour last night that I'm barely coherent and a terrible parent. I've yelled at The Son more than once today. I've set myself up for power struggle after power struggle then failed to see the best way to get out of them. This is why something has to change. It is becoming all too common for me to fall into this mindless parenting... I have no mind to parent with. I struggle in my marriage too. I'm unable to be mindful of my issues when I'm so sleep deprived. I'm unable to catch myself in the moment of a struggle. I don't feel I can go on living life this way. Something has to change. I feel so much for my son... he deserves more than I am capable of giving him right now. Our family deserves more than this.

Today I found this test to determine if you are somewhat sleep deprived, severely sleep deprived or like in a psychotic state. Fortunately, I'm not psychotic yet but I answered yes to nearly every single one of the severely sleep deprived questions. They liken this stage of sleep deprivation to being drunk. I can see why but it isn't nearly as much fun.