{{{Hugs}}} for the V-day. I remember when we went through that in November and it was really hard. I wasn't totally sure I didn't want more children but he was...and you of course see what happened. I don't know if this is worth anything to know, but I can tell you that given the choice now, I would've chosen not to be pregnant again. Even despite the other circumstances in our lives, being pregnant again while still dealing with Adam's frequent nightwakings is hell on earth. Don't underestimate that...you think the frequent wakings are bad now, imagine morning sickness and pregnancy fatigue on top of it. I'm not trying to minimize how hard it is that he had the V, just LYK from my first-hand experience that another pregnancy while your last baby is still so high needs is just not easy.

I'm not sure night weaning will be your answer...I have no attachment to whether or not you do it because I'm not convinced night weaning a 15-month-old is the end of the world. But Adam has almost completely weaned as a result of my pregnancy :-( and his sleep habits are as fucked up as ever. I hope you find something that works for you though, whatever it is.

Holly... I'm feeling okay about the V thing. You are absolutely right... now is not a time when I'd want another child but I do mourn that I will never be pregnant, give birth and have an infant again. I'm not 100% sure that I'd even want another one at any point but I'm also not 100% sure that I wouldn't.

As for the sleeping...UGHHH!!!!!!!! I just don't know what else to try. Something has to give here. It's horrendous for me. I cannot live anymore. I figure I'll try this now and see what happens. One thing I've noticed over the past two days is she is nursing WAY more during the day now and for longer periods. She's WAY more mellow too - I'm not sure what that has to do with the nursing. She's her happy self but not as agitated all the time. At night, she isn't crying at all, I'm just not offering my breast and am instead picking her up and holding her and she falls right back asleep. I also noticed NO engorgement from not nursing leading me to believe that she was not really getting any milk at night. It's only been two days so we'll see if it makes any difference for me or for her. If this fails to make a dent in the hourly wakings, well, I don't know what I'll do.

I nightweaned Ethan around this age and it was just the best thing I could have done. It was hard - it took us a few nights of tears (mostly mine) and anger (mostly his) and pacing the floor with him (mostly by Hugh). But after that, our lives got so much easier. He could be consoled by either of us in the night, usually by bringing him onto my chest or Hugh's, and we would all settle back to sleep quickly and easily. I'm with Holly - it was a hard decision, because I was still married to the idea of living up to the straw mom ideal - but I am NOT convinced that continued night nursing is in anyone's best interest. For an infant, yes, but not for an older baby. Also, as you say, you have to look at the entire family. I hope that night weaning is a quick and stress free experience.

(((julie))) (about the V. and your continued lack of sleep) I hope the nightweaning give you and Seren some much needed rest!

((((Julie)))) I KWYM about the vas. It's not so much the desire to actually have another baby, just the finality of it. I feel tempted fairly often to have another one, and so long as I know that the possibility still exists, I feel OK about putting it on hold. (((((HUG)))) letting go of phases of your life can be so hard, even when you know it's the right time.

FWIW, I would nightwean Seren so long as she's comfortable about it. I would feel differently if she was younger or was distressed by the process, but that's not the case, and I think it would make a *huge* difference to you and by extension to your family. Rosie hasn't been fed at night in years and our b/feeding relationship is going strong at 3, with no end in sight (according to Madam, anyway ;-)

{{{{{{{Julie}}}}}}} You expressed so much of what I am feeling regarding stopping at 2 children vs. having a third. I have always wanted 3, DH has always wanted 2. Lately I have been thinking more that I am done. Maybe that is because I am just SO DANG drained on the night wakings. Colin is so absolutely wonderful and also really quite a lot of work right now. A part of me doesn't EVER want to go through this again, after all BOTH of my kids have been challenging at night, so I imagine if I had another it would be the same. I am really not sure I can do this again. :-( But my heart aches at the same time.

I have considered night weaning lately. But he is not waking *to nurse* I don't think, I think other things are waking him (like lately it's from teething) and nursing is what gets him back to sleep. So I think if I took that away, I'd just be screwed and would end up in the rocking chair every night. I am so, so tired of being tired and the constant waking though.

Sorry to have hijacked your entry there! It amazes me how much of what you write really hits close to home with me. I feel that in many ways we are dealing with very similar situations.