Onto What Matters
me! :)
Last night was my monthly woman's group. It was very nice. We did yoga and had dinner with our regular circle discussion. That's the setting but a realization came to me. I came home and had a long talk with The Husband about the thing I always feel is missing in my life. Friendship. It's wierd because I have created a community of friends and I have neighbors who are friends. I have extraneous people from other places in life who are friends but I always feel like I'm missing that one deep connection with another person. That high-school described "best friend" connection. Now I've had a best friend for 17 years. He's awesome but with motherhood and fatherhood our paths have veered slightly and its really not the same as what I'm talking about here.
What is bothering me is my own need for that relationship. Why do I need that? What is it that I'm really looking for that is escaping me? Why do I feel I need to find it outside of my marriage? I share everything with my husband. I have that deep connection with him in everyway and I wonder why I always am searching for that connection somewhere else. This will be the latest focus of my meditations.
I edited this post for a reason... I need to reword it but don't have time.
Comments
It may be hormonal / instinctual. Here's an article about a study. Basically, when women are stressed (and what mother isn't ever stressed)they take care of things / people or seek out companionship - they "Tend or Befriend" as opposed to "Fight or Flight". http://abcnews.go.com/sections/living/DailyNews/stress0519.html
Posted by: annie | May 23, 2002 3:57 PM
Yknow something funny....when I had tons of girlfriend time (like high school best friend/college roomate/grad school best friend) all I was thinking about -- what we were both thinking about-- was how to find a life partner. After I found him, he became my best friend. We revelled in that for a few years, we had the kids, and now I'm here in my mid 30s and I'm missing those old girlfriends. It isn't stress. It's more like nostalgia....I didn't really know what I had back then, and want to repeat it all, this time appreciating full force what a good gabby girlfriend really is.
I see it as a complete compliment to a marriage, and to a self.
Posted by: Mina | May 23, 2002 8:23 PM