Parental Pride, Parental Failings
I was so proud of The Son this week. One of the things that I've always done with The Son (and I give complete and total credit to Dirt for this one) is to allow him his voice in situations with other adults. So, for example, in a restaurant, I allow him to order for himself. At the bookstore, I give him the money and allow him to pay for and interact with the clerk himself. Dirt once discussed this at MotherSpirit and it really sat with me and I employed it in my parenting from that day forward. I found that, for the most part, children are overlooked in our society. The waitress would nearly always look to me to order for my child and I would, in turn, say to The Son "Would you like to order now?" The thing I noticed with this is that it has allowed The Son to feel confident in his ability to communicate with other adults. Thank you Dirt.
Monday we were at the bookstore and The Son was under the sling for most of our trip. At the very end he was getting ancy, running around and I said "The Son, I just have to go over here for a minute. Stay with me then we'll go pay." When I turned the corner and looked behind, he was gone. I started
my search and my blood started churning when I couldn't find him after the first 3 laps in the vicinity we were in. I searched the rest of the store. I went outside. I was getting scared when I heard "If there is a Julie in the store, please come to the information desk." The information desk happened to be just behind me... I looked but didn't see The Son. I walked over and The Son was there behind another woman that had been blocking my view. Our initial conversation was "I was scared. I couldn't see you." "I was scared, I couldn't find you." After a hug I discovered that when he couldn't find me, he went straight to the clerk and said "I'm scared. I can't find my mommy. Her name is Julie." I am so proud.
With my pride comes frustration. I am not being the best parent I can be. This stage we are in... this 4 year old whiny, frustrated, whiny stage is wearing me thin. I'm barely able to figure out how to communicate with The Son and I feel like I'm always saying No or yelling at him. The smallest things set him into a crying wreck... drop your fork? Just wail about it. Mom calls your name. Don't even respond just keep doing what you are doing. It's grating on my nerves and I'm finding that the past month has been the absolute hardest parenting for me so far. I need to find a way to be better at checking my own frustration levels.
Comments
Oh Julie WOW I had no idea that had an impct on you. I have tears of happiness in my eyes for how competant Gavin was in that situation! We're facing the "be rude to your parents (only in public) to show you are an individual 9 yr old thing right now and I'm dealing with how much it bugs me!
Posted by: dirtwitch | May 9, 2002 11:21 AM
Yes, it had a huge impact on me and I really believed in everything you had to say about allowing children the responsibility to interact in our world this way. Do you remember that thread/conversation? I truly believe this is the payoff for always encouraging that. He was scared..there was a tear in his eye..but he was not freaking out and he knew just what to do. Here is an example of why alterna parenting communities are a *good* thing despite all their drawbacks. This is probably an issue that I would not have really given much thought. I'd most likely have naturally done these steps for my child all the time instead of fostering his confidence and comfort in situations with other adults.
Posted by: Julie | May 9, 2002 11:58 AM
That is awesome Julie! How cool that he kept his head so well and knew just what to do~!
Posted by: Meagan | May 10, 2002 5:14 AM
No,lol,I don't remember that discussion!
Posted by: dirtwitch | May 12, 2002 12:29 AM